Coping with grief and distress

How our counsellors and doctors can help you in the aftermath of a distressing event.

After a serious incident, we can all feel a bit shocked, out of sorts and shaky, for a few days or weeks. Some of us will have a very strong emotional reaction with high levels of shock, distress, sadness, fear, agitation, sleep disturbance and anxiety that can be overwhelming.

The nature of the loss or traumatic incident as well as what is happening in our lives can influence this. These are all normal reactions and should be responded to as such. For most of us, it will take some time to cope and adjust, and get back to some kind of normality.

Eight guidelines to help you cope following a critical incident

  1. As far as possible, maintain your daily routines and activities: go to work, school, take part in recreation activities—even if you feel upset, sad or distressed.
  2. Be realistic about how your life, work, and study will be impacted at a time like this. You won’t be at your best and this is to be expected.
  3. Talk to family, whānau, friends and colleagues about how you are feeling. This will help you maintain a more balanced perspective and assist you to recover faster.
  4. Take time out to sleep, exercise, socialise, meditate, and relax every day—especially while you're feeling distressed, sad or anxious. This really helps!
  5. Minimise/avoid use of alcohol and drugs—while short-term relief may be gained, these can impede recovery.
  6. Be gentle on yourself. You are a human being and feeling sad, overwhelmed, and distressed is absolutely normal in this kind of situation.
  7. Remember to check in with others who were also affected and may not be coping—friends, family, colleagues, and students. Simple expressions of care and concern can make a huge difference.
  8. Don’t make any big decision on impulse. Focus on one day at a time and avoid focusing on future worries or fears.

If these feelings persist and don’t improve, speak (or refer others) to a professional:

  • At Mauri Ora (Student Health and Counselling) at Victoria University of Wellington or,
  • Your regular GP.

The following services external to the University may also be useful, and are available 24 hours a day, seven days per week: